How to break fundraising rules (and why not to)

Back when I worked at a large fundraising agency, I managed a group of talented and experienced fundraising writers.

One thing we did on Thursday afternoons was gather to discuss ways to improve our writing. On one of those Thursdays, I introduced the fundraising pronoun count.

You probably know about this. It’s where you take a piece of fundraising copy and count the first-person pronouns (I, me, my, etc. and we, us, ours, etc.). Then you count the second-person pronouns (all forms of you).

Most of the time, an effective fundraising message has more you than I in it.

We kicked that around and looked at some good and bad examples.

Something you may know about writers: Many of us have a contrarian streak. You know what I mean. Well, one of my writers was a more-than-usual contrarian, even among writers.

A few days after our pronoun count discussion, this writer handed in a direct mail appeal. “Do the pronoun count,” they said, a challenging glint in their eye.

The letter had a few first-person pronouns. And it had no second-person pronouns. It miserably failed the fundraising pronoun count.

Yet it was one of the most powerfully donor-centered letters I’ve ever seen.

It was all about the donor, her values, her opportunity to change the world, her importance and identity.

The letter did all that without even once using the word “you.”

Which told me something that shocked me at first: What makes a piece of fundraising donor-focused is not just how many times you say the word you.

When a piece of writing has more you than I in it, it is probably more about the donor than about the organization. But pronoun use isn’t the cause of donor-focus — it’s more of a sign of donor focus.

In fact, I’ve seen many fundraising pieces that had satisfactory pronoun counts, but they were barely donor focused at all. The use of you is more like: “Well, enough about me. What do you think about me?”

But here’s the thing: It’s possible to beat the pronoun count and write amazing copy with little or no you in it.

But you need to be extremely good at writing fundraising, with a lot of experience under your belt. And willing to work twice as hard just for the joy of solving a puzzle. (Or thumbing your nose at your Copy Chief.)

So my advice to almost everyone (including myself) is this: Use you a lot in your fundraising. Use it more than you use I. Doing so will almost certainly give you better results. Do the fundraising pronoun count, just to make sure you’re really getting it right.

If you’ve been writing fundraising for less than 10 years, don’t shirk the pronoun count. Just do it. Every time. That will train you do get it right by habit. And eventually, you’ll know how to create donor-focused fundraising whether your pronoun count is good or not-so-good.

Some time after you get your Ten Year Badge, you’ll realize you consistently stay on the topic of the donor’s action and values without wandering back into organizational self-congratulations. That’s when you can go easy on the pronoun count. Or even consciously smash it to pieces.