7 ways to show not tell in fundraising writing

You’ve been told that your writing should “show, not tell.” That’s good, but here’s a dive into what that might actually mean for your fundraising storytelling, from OBrien on Message, at What does Ernest Hemingway eating oysters alone in a Paris café have to do with your next message?:

1. Search out the abstract and anchor it in the concrete. Abstraction is boring. It suppresses emotion. Concrete realities grab our attention and awaken our hearts. This is why fundraisers should avoid terms like “food insecurity.” That’s just information — and for most readers, unclear information. It doesn’t break through to your readers’ true selves. That’s why it’s bad at raising money.
2. Expand out from concrete, sensory details to the larger picture.Start with stories and word pictures. That’s how you get attention and interest. Facts and stats are stumbling blocks — until you have interest and attention.
3. Always use details and locate people’s stories in an ethical context. Tell true stories, treat the people in those stories with love and respect, and get permission.
4. Lean into sensory verbs. Verbs are the super-power of good writing. If your verbs are bloodless and institutional-sounding (like “provide” and “facilitate”), you are being boring. Use verbs that describe physical action. (And you can’t improve borking verbs by adding adverbs.)
5. Reach beyond sight. Humans have five (arguably eight) senses. We usually default to seeing in writing. But look for ways to use the others. That will really power-up your storytelling.
6. Don’t tell people what to feel. Help them feel it. A great story makes people feel emotions. Do that first. (I don’t fully agree with this one: When you tell people how you the narrator feels about it, you guide them in potentially helpful ways.)
7. Don’t describe a feeling. Show it. Rather than say Tim was hungry, describe the sensation he felt: “Tim’s ached in a hollow way that kept him awake all night.”